I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
