How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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