you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
