I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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