I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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