My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
