just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So much rum. So many feels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
