What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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