Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
