I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
