I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
