i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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