if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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