Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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