I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize