That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I just put wine in my tea
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
