Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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