when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
