Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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