can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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