i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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