Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
