Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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