these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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