I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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