We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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