just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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