Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were trust falling into bushes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
