I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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