I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize