So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
