apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
