I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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