I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
