Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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