I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
