Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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