I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
