This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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