a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
