I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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