Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
