why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
