just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
