Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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