The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
