She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
