If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
