I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently you make a good broom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
