this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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