we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
