i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
