You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
