nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
