I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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