Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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