I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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