Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
