I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
