Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
