I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
