Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
