never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
