I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
FUCK WHALES
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
