Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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