So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
