the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
