Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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