there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
