mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
