Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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