It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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